Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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