I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
