Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
