I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
