so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
