Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
