I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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