Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
