When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I've blown a few things in my day
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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