So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
