How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
