Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
