i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
