ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
