I hate your face
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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