I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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