Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
