i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
