shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
