Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
