And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
