no, he came in my armpit
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
