Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
