I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
