end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
