Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
