and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
