and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
