it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
