I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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