An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize