Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
