i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
