Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
