had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
