I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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