I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
