Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
