totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
