I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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