my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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