Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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