Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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