I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
