Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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