Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
