I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
