Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
