Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
