so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
