I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
